When HBO’s Sex and the City first aired, back when I was VP of Romance and resident dating expert for Match.com, two dating cultural shifts quickly emerged.
Single men, generally from urban dating markets, began to complain to me that single women had become not only like men in their attitudes about sex and commitment, but actually worse than men. Men who hoped to form a lasting relationship with one special woman felt that almost overnight single women became a lot less interested in commitment, as social license to play the field and focus their dating energy on having fun in the here and now had suddenly been granted.
SATC didn’t reflect most single women’s dating lives as much as it influenced them. For better or worse, women began to liken themselves to SATC characters in their online dating profiles, describing themselves as “Carrie Bradshaw like” seeking their own Mr. Big, or in a “Samantha Jones period” in their current approach to dating. Even a very young Lindsay Lohan suggested that the Sex girls had influenced her to play the field and play around.
SATC, along with the introduction of dating reality shows like ABC’s The Bachelor, also began to socialize dating. Suddenly everyone was talking about the dating choices others make and learning vicariously through them. Was it OK to break up via post-it note? How young of a man can a somewhat older woman get away with dating? Who was really right for someone and by what criteria? We hired Alex Michel, ABC’s original Bachelor, and took these sometimes heated conversations about dating on the road. It was an eye-opening experience, as dating choices became mainstream conversations in the workplace, among family and neighbors, at parties and at every event I attended with Alex. We were all dating voyeurs.
The SATC phenomenon ultimately led me to leave Match and help launch Engage. We built a social dating community at Engage where singles invite friends to help them make romantic connections through suggestions, voting on possible dates, setting up introductions and post-date debriefings, much as the Sex girls have done over all these years. Even if most of us can’t afford a pair of Manolos, all of us can benefit from the dating advice and insight of our best friends.
Aly Walansky wrote more about my SATC experience in her SheKnows blog. Vote on whether or not you think SATC had a negative influence on women’s lives over at PopSugar.
See you at the Sex and the City movie!
Trish McDermott - VP of Love, Engage
