They’re talking about arranged marriages and matchmaking over at the Huffington Post right now.  Wondering if everything old is new again.  If we’ve truly gone full cycle, does that mean we’ll see a revival of arranged marriages in our romantic futures?  Probably not.

Arranged marriages are a parental pastime in some cultures and often were a financial and familial necessity, especially when women had little or no earning power or financial holdings, not to mention choice.  Women today are ready, willing and we would like to thing reasonably able to make good dating choices without mom’s help.

Engage surveyed more than 800 single adults back in 2005 to learn more about the role matchmaking (and romantic meddling) played in their dating lives.  Singles mentioned friends, and then mothers, as the two people most likely to want to meddle in their love lives.  They resoundingly felt that friends make the best matchmakers and that mothers make the worst.  Moms have relationship and marriage agendas that often aren’t aligned with what their children are actually seeking.  That’s why every women in America over age 35 isn’t married to a doctor.

Internet “scientists,” convinced arranging marriages may in fact be a scalable enterprise, are peddling their magic compatibility elixirs to singles on leading dating sites today.  Singles are matched based on analysis of a personality questionnaire, but ultimately someone decides:  Can opposites attract?  Do they introduce you to the type of person you are seeking, or the type of person they believe is right for you?  What would your mother do? 

Look at happy couples you know.  How many had to pass a 200-question test to qualify to say “hello” to each other?  What you’re likely to find is what we found in our research–half of all marriages are the result of someone first introducing the couple, but that someone was almost never a scientist, compatibility expert or marriage arranger.

Your friends know sides of you your mother never sees and that no “compatibility expert” can cull from a questionnaire.  At Engage, you won’t find us behind the scenes arranging your love life.  We never presume to know who is right for you.  We simply trust that you, your friends and your community will have a lot of fun socializing on the site as you figure it all out.

Here’s hoping your friends find you a find and catch you a catch.

Trish McDermott

VP of Love, Engage