When HBO’s Sex and the City first aired, back when I was VP of Romance and resident dating expert for Match.com, two dating cultural shifts quickly emerged.

Single men, generally from urban dating markets, began to complain to me that single women had become not only like men in their attitudes about sex and commitment, but actually worse than men.  Men who hoped to form a lasting relationship with one special woman felt that almost overnight single women became a lot less interested in commitment, as social license to play the field and focus their dating energy on having fun in the here and now had suddenly been granted. 

SATC didn’t reflect most single women’s dating lives as much as it influenced them.   For better or worse, women began to liken themselves to SATC characters in their online dating profiles, describing themselves as “Carrie Bradshaw like” seeking their own Mr. Big, or in a “Samantha Jones period” in their current approach to dating.  Even a very young Lindsay Lohan suggested that the Sex girls had influenced her to play the field and play around.

SATC, along with the introduction of dating reality shows like ABC’s The Bachelor, also began to socialize dating.  Suddenly everyone was talking about the dating choices  others make and learning vicariously through them.  Was it OK to break up via post-it note?  How young of a man can a somewhat older woman get away with dating?  Who was really right for someone and by what criteria?  We hired Alex Michel, ABC’s original Bachelor, and took these sometimes heated conversations about dating on the road.  It was an eye-opening experience, as dating choices became mainstream conversations in the workplace, among family and neighbors, at parties and at every event I attended with Alex.  We were all dating voyeurs.

The SATC phenomenon ultimately led me to leave Match and help launch Engage.  We built a social dating community at Engage where singles invite friends to help them make romantic connections through  suggestions, voting on possible dates, setting up introductions and post-date debriefings, much as the Sex girls have done over all these years.  Even if most of us can’t afford a pair of Manolos, all of us can benefit from the dating advice and insight of our best friends. 

Aly Walansky wrote more about my SATC experience in her SheKnows blog.   Vote on whether or not you think SATC had a negative influence on women’s lives over at PopSugar. 

See you at the Sex and the City movie! 

Trish McDermott - VP of Love, Engage  

As a member of Princess Cruise’s Romance Department, today I helped crown father of four and minister Phil Roberts, of Lexington, KY as the “Greatest Romantic” contest winner. The Romance Department at Princess, also including intimacy expert, Dr. Ruth Westheimer; ABC’s original “Bachelor,” Alex Michel; actor Gavin MacLeod (he played Captain Stubing on “The Love Boat) and destination wedding expert Lisa Light, nominated the five most romantic videos from the more than one hundred videos submitted in the contest.  More than eight thousand members of the public then selected Mr. Roberts in a final vote.  

 Check out his winning video.  It’s a story, in the form of a poem recited by his three-year-old daughter, about an everyday man who understands how to sweep a woman off her feet in a lovingly spectacular manner.  While he certainly knows how to pull off a perfect wedding proposal, I nominated Roberts because his romantic nature has stood the test of both time and tragedy in his ten-year relationship. That’s the kind of romance that makes me swoon.

Most of our love lives are not the makings of a major motion pictures, nor are they fodder for a romance novel.  They are ordinary, sometimes difficult, often surprising and occasionally hilarious moments pieced lovingly together by acts of generosity, compassion, insight, kindness and inspiration.  While larger-than-life romantic extravaganzas are the memorable love stories many of us will one day pass on to our children, everyday romance is the glue that keeps a couple together. 

What is everyday romance?  Whatever you and your partner need it to be.  Sometimes romance is a smile to break through a relationship’s momentary challenges that might otherwise get us all hung up.  It’s an unexpected gift when there is no occasion.  It’s a public pledge of love, made to a group of people, as in: “This is the woman I love.” It’s an extra few moments in bed, a longer-than-usual kiss goodbye or a slightly seductive note slipped into his briefcase.

Whether you are dating or happily taken, small acts of romance should be part of your everyday life.  Check out Susan Mernit’s blog, Finding Acts of Love that Really Matter.  Along with romantic poems you can read to your love and funny DVD’s the two of you can enjoy together, she shares romantic ideas that can help make all of us great romantics, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.  

Even romance experts have to remember to practice romance in their own love lives, so I’m off to buy a gift for no particular reason.

Warm, romantic fuzzies to everyone,

Trish McDermott, VP of Love at Engage

April 10th is our big night out! We’ll be at the Vanguard in Hollywood for “Geek Goes Chic,” a party we’re throwing with the technology bloggers at TechCrunch and the celebrity gossip mavens at PopSugar.

We’ll be showing off the brand new Engage service that we unveiled this week. Have you tried it?

Plus, Alex Michel, the first bachelor from ABC’s “The Bachelor,” and our very own VP of Love, Trish McDermott, will be on hand to help connect the Geeks to the Chic at the event.

Our recent “Romancing the Geek” survey shows that Geeks might inherit the Earth after all, at least in the romantic department. Our survey showed that 82% of people are open to dating a “Geek”, and 72% said they’d be happier in a marriage with a famous Silicon Valley geek than a Hollywood celebrity. Great news for you smart and technology-savvy types!

We’ll share pictures and more party news soon!

Hugs and kisses,

Engage