Our recent Sex and the City survey results are popping up in articles all over the blogosphere. The Baltimore Sun’s BaltAmour blog concluded our survey results showed how “the sexual double standard” persists.

The MaconLove blog thinks “the show gave women greater confidence and equality. It showed that world that it’s OK to be an assertive woman that can ask for — and get — what she wants.”

While sites like the Hampton Report, Great Dating Services, and the M2W conference blog reported how SATC changed women’s attitudes towards dating, Slackmistress stands up for “NerdGirls” who didn’t find Sex and the City so revolutionary, because they were already used to different dating practices. (Although maybe this is one of those “exception proves the rule” situations?)

Thanks again for sounding off in our survey. We’ll keep you posted on the next opportunity to share your thoughts and weigh in on topics that impact social dating.

We surveyed more than 250 single adults last week to understand more about how HBO’s Sex and the City influenced dating.  Here’s what we learned: 

77 percent of singles consider themselves a fan of Sex and the City.  51percent say they are a big fan.  Women were more likely than men to say they are a fan. 

52 percent of singles say Sex and the City influenced their dating life.  12 percent said it was a negative influence (men were more likely than women to say the influence was negative) and 40 percent said it was a positive influence (women were more likely than men to say the influence was positive). 

43 percent plan to see the movie.  37 percent will wait for the DVD. 20 percent won’t see.  Women were more than twice as likely as men to say they will go see the movie. 

80 percent of singles believe Sex and the City made it more acceptable for women to have fun dating and worry less about finding a committed relationship.  Women were more likely than men to believe this. 

43 percent of singles believe Sex and the City made it more acceptable for women to be unfaithful in their romantic relationships.  Men were more likely than women to believe this. 

59 percent say that Sex and the City reminded them how much they rely on their friends for dating advice and perspective.  Women were more likely than men to say this. 

50 percent believe that women who are big Sex and the City fans are more likely to have sex on a first date.  Men were more likely than women to believe this. 

51 percent agree with this statement made by Sex and the City character, Samantha Jones:  “Who we are in bed is who we are in life.  I’ve never met a man who was bad in bed who was good at life.”  Men were more likely than women to agree with this statement. 

Biggest complaints about the Sex and the City movie (note respondents were able to select all answers that apply):

• There was too much emphasis on being beautiful on the outside and not enough on being beautiful on the inside  (25%) (This was women’s biggest complaint)
• Single women became too much like single men (24%)
• Women no longer wanted to commit to the right man when he came along (23%)
• Men suddenly expected all single women to want to have sex without any commitment (22%)
• It promoted promiscuity (21%)
• It wasn’t realistic and didn’t speak to my dating experiences (20%)
• The emotional needs of single men were trivialized (20%) (This was men’s biggest complaint)

36 percent said they borrowed ideas from Sex and the City and used them in their dating life.  Women were more likely than men to say this. 

Single women most strongly identify with Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw, followed by Charlotte York and then Samantha Jones. Women were the least likely to say they identify with character Miranda Hobbes. 

55 percent of single women said Sex and the City influenced them to date more like men date. 

44 percent of single women wish they could be Carrie Bradshaw for one day.  35 percent wish they could be Samantha Jones for one day.  11percent wish they could be Miranda Hobbes for one day and 11 percent wish they could be Charlotte York for one day. 

86 percent of single women said they socialize with other women friends around sex, romance and dating issues, much like the Sex and the City characters did.  51 percent say they commonly do this. 

70 percent of single women say Sex and the City did not influence their shoe purchases.  14 percent say they purchased more shoes as a result of watching the HBO series, and 16 percent say they purchased more expensive or better quality shoes as a result. 

Some might say that it’s more likely that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda  will end up being each other’s “soulmates” in life than it is that any man will be their “soulmate.”  When women were asked about the role a “soulmate” will play in their own lives:

• 39 percent said they already had or would end up with one (or several) women friends as their “soulmate” in life instead of a man.

  When men were asked about their beliefs about Sex and the City (and allowed to select more than one answer):

• 29 percent enjoyed it
• 25 percent say they learned a thing or two about dating women by watching
• 24 percent said it didn’t reflect their lives, or the lives of women they dated
• 24 percent said it gave them an inside look at what women actually do when they get together—talk about men
• 19 percent said it made it a lot easier to get women to sleep with them
• 19 percent said it changed dating, as it gave women permission to play the field
• 17 percent said it made it a lot more challenged to find a single woman who was seeking a lasting, committed relationship

Thanks to everyone who came out on Monday night to Harlot in San Francisco for our Love 2.0 kickoff for Web 2.0 week. Turnout for the event was astounding. Close to 500 people joined us to get social, talk technology, and mingle with elligible singles and their attached matchmaking friends.

Update: Check out bub.blicio.us for great coverage of the soiree — including photos of many of the lovely single people (and their involved friends!) who turned out to make it such a fun night.

Also: See our flickr stream for more pics.

Our engineering team did all their abracadabra stuff and we’re back up with a brand new version of our service. Sign in now to try all the new social dating goodness.

Here’s a peek at what we’ve added and improved:

• Fresh Faces - These are prospects for you (if you’re single) and/or your single friends (if you’re playing matchmaker for others). Click ‘em, consider ‘em, keep them in your suggestions list, tell friends about them, or decide they’re not right and move on. It’s verrrrry addictive to click through all the faces.

• Suggested for you… Shows you people that your friends want you to meet.

• Suggestions for friends… Shows you who your single friends are considering. Do they seem worthy of your friends’ attention? You get to add the human intuition ingredient and decide whether people are worth pointing out.

• Voting - Everyone likes to get a second opinion about possible matches before they make a move. Now you get to vote on suggested matches for your friends to help them decide what to do next.

• Social Feed - In keeping with our extra-social theme, we’ve added a personal news ticker that tells you what your friends are up to on Engage. You can use it to inform your friends about your activities. Just answer “What are you up to?” to write a personalized news feed message.

• Social Feed email - To help you catch up with your pals, you’ll get a daily summary of all the stuff your friends have been up to. Who made suggestions? Who got introduced? Who voted Yes on suggestions you made? Keep your eyes peeled for this email to find out.

• Social Points - We love to play, so we’ve made Engage even more like a game. Social Points reward you for doing things that make the community more fun for everyone. If you’re already a member of Engage, you already have some points. Sign in to check out your score!

You’ll also notice fewer tabs and more ways to connect with friends sprinkled all over the site.

So go have fun with it and get social! Let us know how it goes.

Hugs and kisses,

Engage

They’re talking about arranged marriages and matchmaking over at the Huffington Post right now.  Wondering if everything old is new again.  If we’ve truly gone full cycle, does that mean we’ll see a revival of arranged marriages in our romantic futures?  Probably not.

Arranged marriages are a parental pastime in some cultures and often were a financial and familial necessity, especially when women had little or no earning power or financial holdings, not to mention choice.  Women today are ready, willing and we would like to thing reasonably able to make good dating choices without mom’s help.

Engage surveyed more than 800 single adults back in 2005 to learn more about the role matchmaking (and romantic meddling) played in their dating lives.  Singles mentioned friends, and then mothers, as the two people most likely to want to meddle in their love lives.  They resoundingly felt that friends make the best matchmakers and that mothers make the worst.  Moms have relationship and marriage agendas that often aren’t aligned with what their children are actually seeking.  That’s why every women in America over age 35 isn’t married to a doctor.

Internet “scientists,” convinced arranging marriages may in fact be a scalable enterprise, are peddling their magic compatibility elixirs to singles on leading dating sites today.  Singles are matched based on analysis of a personality questionnaire, but ultimately someone decides:  Can opposites attract?  Do they introduce you to the type of person you are seeking, or the type of person they believe is right for you?  What would your mother do? 

Look at happy couples you know.  How many had to pass a 200-question test to qualify to say “hello” to each other?  What you’re likely to find is what we found in our research–half of all marriages are the result of someone first introducing the couple, but that someone was almost never a scientist, compatibility expert or marriage arranger.

Your friends know sides of you your mother never sees and that no “compatibility expert” can cull from a questionnaire.  At Engage, you won’t find us behind the scenes arranging your love life.  We never presume to know who is right for you.  We simply trust that you, your friends and your community will have a lot of fun socializing on the site as you figure it all out.

Here’s hoping your friends find you a find and catch you a catch.

Trish McDermott

VP of Love, Engage

Sometimes it’s a good idea to get involved in your friends’ social lives. Here’s why:

Social dating is a new name for an age-old practice: friends helping friends connect.

That means anyone can hand-pick people for their friends to date — and then watch what happens when they meet!

When you play wingwoman or wingman for your pals you can help them break the ice, offer dating advice, share their excitement when they meet someone new, and gab together about all the possibilities.

Whether you’re involved and you want to give your single friends a nudge to meet new people and see what happens — or you’re single and want a low-pressure, fun way to connect to new people — we think social dating makes finding a relationship fun, real, and like no other online experience.

When you Play Matchmaker^TM you get to connect your friends to people who are worthy of their attention. Plus — let’s be honest — it’s fun to see who your friends are thinking about dating.

Picture yourself at a party. You see a guy or gal across the room. S/he has a quirky grin that makes you think, “Perfect for my best friend M____.”

What’s your next step? Start chatting. Suss out whether this person merits your best pal’s affection. If what you hear sounds promising, you’ll casually mention your super-amazing, brilliant BFF who just happens to be available…

Then, when your BFF happens to walk by, you’ll introduce them. You all start talking. They start laughing. And then at some point you slip away and leave those two wrapped up in engaging conversation.

What happens next is up to them. But you’ll definitely be hearing about it. We get goosebumps just thinking about the possibilities!

Engage’s “Play Matchmaker^TM” features work just the same as this real world scenario, only the fun is multiplied across your entire social network.

With social dating, friends connect through friends they already know.

Today’s busy single people meet new people when they least expect it - at dinner parties, professional events, and friends’ weddings. And more often than not, these chance encounters start with a casual introduction from a mutual friend.

Social dating on Engage brings this playful way of making connections to the Web, together with all of the enjoyment that comes with a friend’s advice, suggestions, good judgment, and experience — so you can have fun exploring an attraction before you move to meeting offline.

Single people multiply their chances to meet someone new.

Engage makes it easy to connect to new people who are once or twice removed from your immediate social circle. That means you’re casting a wider net, but staying within a chain of people who trust each other’s recommendations and taste.

Engage also lets you connect to completely new people that your friends deem worthy for you. You or your matchmaking pals can consult another single person’s matchmaking wingpeople to find out what you have in common. If it seems like you two would be a dynamic duo, your friends can make an introduction that you’ll both welcome!

Everyone has more fun and single people get better results.

Because social dating introductions happen through real people, singles are more likely to hear back from people they’re introduced to — so they can see where an attraction goes and get a definitive outcome, instead of waiting for an email reply that never comes. Engage members are 80% more likely to reply to an email from someone they’ve met through their community, as compared to a stranger. That means less time wasted, more people to discover, and more opportunities for fun.

Social context keep things real.

Whether you meet through friends at a dinner party, connect through an old co-worker, or rediscover each other at a reunion, meeting socially gives you a preview of what someone is really like before you spend any time with that person one-on-one. Why should meeting online be any different?

With social dating on Engage you can get someone’s back story, find out what their friends love about them, and get a full picture of who they are before you decide to introduce them to someone you know or to try to connect to them yourself! Overall it’s more fun for the people who Play Matchmaker^TM and way less pressure for the people who want to date.

So in our humble opinion, it’s all good!

Hugs and kisses,
Engage

Whether you’re here to Play Matchmaker™ for single friends or to connect to new people for yourself, we ask all of our members to create a profile. Here are nine ways to make your profile stand out from the crowd!

1. Make a good first impression. Your profile is a way of introducing yourself to people. What do you want them to take away? Humor, humility, and optimism are always in style. Most people want to spend time with someone who’s upbeat and fun to be around.
2. Grab their attention with a creative headline or an interesting story. What makes you different from everyone else? What pursuits make you happy? If someone dated you, how would you want to spend time with them? Or if you fixed up friends how would you help them decide who to date?
3. Don’t complain. Mama always said, if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all. And she’s probably right when it comes to exes. If you really feel compelled to share, your best bet is to briefly mention the bad breakup and then talk about how you’ve moved forward and turned lemons into lemonade. Or explain how your experience made you even better at Playing Matchmaker™, because now you’ve loved and learned.
4. Do be honest. One of the biggest complaints single people have about traditional online dating is that some of the profiles are kind of shady and inauthentic. With social dating everyone’s friends are on hand to keep them more honest about their age, looks, and dating history. So we can all be real here, right? Celebrate who you are!
5. Focus, people. Focus. You don’t have to throw in the kitchen sink (and the microwave and the toaster). Just mention the three or four most important qualities you bring to the party. Think about giving people enough information to discover that they have some things in common with you. Or that you sound like a great match for their cousin or coworker or neighbor. Then you can learn more about each other over time.
6. Check your spelling and get a trusted friend to edit what you’ve written. If you’re stumped about what to write, ask a friend how they would describe you to a stranger. You might be surprised at their insights about you!
7. Do take time to post a quality picture. What does that mean? Include one good head shot that’s in focus, with nice lighting. Then add extra pictures that show all the sides of your personality- on a camping trip, on the dance floor, running a half-marathon, walking your Welsh Corgi, knitting an iPod cover, hanging streamers for a charity fundraiser… Show yourself off!
8. Don’t take the picture yourself. Here’s another place where friends come in handy. You know that weird camera angle you get when you hold your arm out and shoot your own portrait? Yeah. We do too! Whether you’re here to Play matchmaker or to connect to new people yourself, it will improve your credibility to look decent in your picture.
9. Let your honesty extend to your photo. It may be tempting, but don’t post a six-year-old picture of you playing drinking games in college — no matter how sassy you look! Your friends love you for who you are now - and new people will too!

Hugs and kisses,
Engage

You use Engage. You use Facebook. You’ve got friends on both. Now you can share Engage profiles on your Facebook profile, so you can Play Matchmaker^TM even when you’re away from Engage. It’s like those old Reese’s peanut butter cup ads: “You got your Engage in my Facebook!” Delicious!

Here’s how to do it:

1. Sign in to Engage.
2. Pick a friend on Engage that you want to fix up or connect with your Facebook friends.
3. On the friend’s Engage profile, in the “More” drop-down list, select “Share to Facebook.”
4. You’ll be taken to Facebook’s sign in page and asked to write a comment about the picture.
5. Repeat until all your single friends have met someone fun and new!

What’s The Point?
To get your social network to make new connections and fix up even more of your single friends. That’s what social dating is all about!

Hugs and kisses,
Engage

It’s that time of year where you can’t go anywhere without hearing the V word. (No, not “vajayjay,” silly… though we’re hearing that everywhere too.) We meant Valentine’s. For some, that word cues a symphony. For others, it cues the screeching violins from “Psycho”.

Don’t get us wrong, we love little candy hearts as much as the next gal or guy! But sometimes it feels like we all have to participate in Valentine’s Day’s chocoholic excesses. Whether you’re between relationships, dating someone new, or with a longtime companion, all the hearts and arrows and romantic formulas can get a little stale, right? Romance is so much more, well… romantic when it’s not calendared in.

Why not take a more social approach to V-Day? Here’s one recipe for a St. V’s without the Hallmark holiday hangover:

• Host a party where you and your friends can get gorgeous and mingle – without paying for a prix fixe menu or being sardined into banquette seating with three gazillion other couples.
• Invite everyone you know – involved or not.
• Ask everyone to make up a signature cocktail and bring the ingredients to your place.
• Tell your involved friends to bring a single friend or two along with them.
• While you’re mixing cocktails, see how your single friends blend!

Will love be served up, shaken not stirred? You’ll have to wait and see. At least you and your best friends can have a gala evening together, whether or not Cupid decides to strike. And If you’re between sweeties, your best friends are the best people to be with!

Gee… someone should throw a fun party like that online. Oh wait, we did.

Hugs and kisses,

Engage

p.s. Be sure to tell us about your party. Post a comment to this blog entry and let us know how your soirée turns out!

As the CEO of Engage, I’m honored to write the first Engage blog post. Our company is excited to be able to communicate with you this way – and we’re looking forward to watching the blog become a fun part of your experience on our site. This first post is extra special for me because of the topic: My recent wedding in Goa, India. It was an amazing event for my wife and I, and I wanted to share it with you.

And now… welcome to my wedding!
My wife Amrita and I met the same way most people meet: through a friend’s introduction. This happened just before I co-founded Engage, so I started the world’s first social dating site at the same time that I was falling in love. Engage has evolved at the same time as my relationship — and just two weeks ago, Amrita and I were married.

Our wedding took place over three days in December, in Goa, India — and wow, what a wedding it was! It’s difficult to describe an event that you’re at the center of, but I can only say it was magical. We were surrounded by nearly all of our family and friends, many of whom had come from great distances. And we were in one of the most exotic places in the world, warmed by the waters of the Arabian Sea. The combination was electric.

I kept a journal of the wedding events and thought you’d like to see a bit of our amazing adventure:

Getting there was hard.
The journey started out with a rock-solid swindle. You see, Scotch is big in India and I needed a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label. So I waited until I was in SFO, duty-free. The sales rep in the store convinced me that the price, a “meager” $136/bottle (!), was on par with all duty-free shops worldwide. (He claimed that the dollar’s nosedive would, if anything, drive up pricing elsewhere in the world.) So, I bought that bottle and lugged it halfway across the world. After a grueling 14+ hour trip to Taipei, my first stop from SFO to Goa, I went straight to the duty-free shop to check prices. Bleary-eyed and jet-lagged at 2 a.m., I broke out my phone calculator and discovered that the sales rep had a unique interpretation of the global economy: Here was the same bottle for 40% less! I then had a multi-hour layover, seven hour flight to Mumbai, and 45 minute flight to Goa – all-in-all about 12 hours, 53 minutes, and 14 seconds to mull over the strength/weakness of the dollar. But at least I had the Blue Label.

The world changed.
Once in Goa, I checked into the Taj Hotel. Suddenly, I was in a different world. The Taj is designed like an authentic Goan village, complete with Portuguese-Goan terracotta-roofed cottages lining Sinquerim Beach in North Goa. After a nap and some lunch, I headed out to the bar to meet up with friends who had already arrived. On the menu? Champagne and scotch. (Yes, in that order). Just a taste or two before I met up with the TV crew…

Chilling at the Taj upon arrival

The 3 Events
Night One: The Sangeet. A festivity of song and dance to celebrate the engagement and upcoming marriage. Theme: Shades of White
Okay, so at this point I should probably mention the TV show. Our traditional Indian wedding was made a little extra special thanks to my sister-in-law, Avantika. She not only organized every detail of the event but she also convinced Indian media company NDTV to cover our nuptials for a TV show called “My Big Fat Indian Wedding.” So I had all the usual pre-wedding jitters on camera! With Avantika organizing, many of the events and settings to come were a surprise for me and Amrita… starting with the Sangeet.

I didn’t know what to expect at the Sangeet that night. When the evening rolled around, I was running late. Most of the guests had already left for the party via buses. A special air-conditioned car had been organized for me and my family. That would’ve been great but I couldn’t locate my family! I ended up piling into a car with my Mom, my future mother-in-law, and her brother in-law (it was a serious conversation). We sped off into the dark on a long, bumpy dirt road that led straight into the jungle. Now I was worried.

When I arrived, I was blown away. This was my first impression…

Followed by my 2nd impression: Diego (from San Francisco) flirting with my new cousin Mallika (a Bollywood actress).

The bartenders were putting on one heck of a show.

Karen (Engage’s other co-founder) and her husband Scott enjoyed the view.

I don’t think the slide show in the background got much attention!

The paparazzi snapped…

White was everywhere.

And I finally had a first dance with my wife-to-be.

Night Two: The Mehendi. The application of Mehendi (henna) designs to the hands and feet.
This is a really beautiful Indian tradition. The deep color of mehendi signifies the prosperity that the bride will bring to her new family. Color theme: Palettes of yellow-orange.

So after the spectacular Sangeet, I didn’t know what to expect for the second night of celebration. What could top it? I showed up to what looked like a mini amphitheatre shrouded in sunshine yellow colors, except it didn’t have the concrete feel of an amphitheatre but rather of a fine restaurant with no roof (perfect for the 85 degree temperature). It was really quite incredible – I’ve never seen anything like it anywhere. The food and drinks matched the exotic décor. Of all the wedding events, this was the most casual night and nearly all the women (and many of the men) had mehendi (you might know it as henna tattoos) applied in some creative ways.

“I Would Dye4U!” Amrita gets the mehendi applied to her hands.

Followed by a lift in the middle of the dance floor.

Avantika and Ananya distribute bangles for the ladies.

And to top it off, my Harvard B-School friends put on a last-minute skit.

Night Three: The Wedding and Reception. (Theme: Formal, traditional colors.)
The wedding ceremony is conducted in Sanskrit; the fire-deity (or the sacred fire) serves as the primary witness, while the bride and groom encircle it seven times together.

Okay. The big day is here and I’m worried about the heat. It’s December 20^th. It’s 88 degrees out. The snowman is made out of sand. And there are Christmas trees and wreathes everywhere but somehow it’s hard to believe Christmas is just a few days away.

This is the day we’ve waited for. There are multiple ceremonies to get through before the actual wedding and reception… and the story’s best told with pictures. Here we go…

Wedding day afternoon – Amrita takes part in a ceremony for the bride, her friends, and her family.

My picture-perfect bride does a photo shoot on the hotel grounds.

Amrita’s family escorts her to the meeting point between her family and mine, at the entrance.

Meanwhile, I’m on my way to the venue… (That’s me in the middle of the back seat)… with a little dancing in the street.

I arrive at the destination surrounded by my family and friends.

A big moment: The families meet.

As the sun sets, we’re minutes from being married.

One of the many photos just after the ceremony.

The reception area is about to get packed.

Amrita dancing at the reception.

A final pose for photos before the night is over.

Thanks for joining Amrita and I on our journey! I’d like to wish each of you, in turn, an amazing year and lots of fun and success on Engage. Please share your stories with us along the way.

Best wishes,
Suneet Wadhwa
Engage CEO

P.S. Be on the lookout for great new things happening here at Engage! While I’m bursting at the seams to share the latest news about our service, I have to hold my tongue until our marketing guy says it’s okay to talk. Bookmark our blog to stay in touch: blog.engage.com.