We surveyed more than 250 single adults last week to understand more about how HBO’s Sex and the City influenced dating.  Here’s what we learned: 

77 percent of singles consider themselves a fan of Sex and the City.  51percent say they are a big fan.  Women were more likely than men to say they are a fan. 

52 percent of singles say Sex and the City influenced their dating life.  12 percent said it was a negative influence (men were more likely than women to say the influence was negative) and 40 percent said it was a positive influence (women were more likely than men to say the influence was positive). 

43 percent plan to see the movie.  37 percent will wait for the DVD. 20 percent won’t see.  Women were more than twice as likely as men to say they will go see the movie. 

80 percent of singles believe Sex and the City made it more acceptable for women to have fun dating and worry less about finding a committed relationship.  Women were more likely than men to believe this. 

43 percent of singles believe Sex and the City made it more acceptable for women to be unfaithful in their romantic relationships.  Men were more likely than women to believe this. 

59 percent say that Sex and the City reminded them how much they rely on their friends for dating advice and perspective.  Women were more likely than men to say this. 

50 percent believe that women who are big Sex and the City fans are more likely to have sex on a first date.  Men were more likely than women to believe this. 

51 percent agree with this statement made by Sex and the City character, Samantha Jones:  “Who we are in bed is who we are in life.  I’ve never met a man who was bad in bed who was good at life.”  Men were more likely than women to agree with this statement. 

Biggest complaints about the Sex and the City movie (note respondents were able to select all answers that apply):

• There was too much emphasis on being beautiful on the outside and not enough on being beautiful on the inside  (25%) (This was women’s biggest complaint)
• Single women became too much like single men (24%)
• Women no longer wanted to commit to the right man when he came along (23%)
• Men suddenly expected all single women to want to have sex without any commitment (22%)
• It promoted promiscuity (21%)
• It wasn’t realistic and didn’t speak to my dating experiences (20%)
• The emotional needs of single men were trivialized (20%) (This was men’s biggest complaint)

 

36 percent said they borrowed ideas from Sex and the City and used them in their dating life.  Women were more likely than men to say this. 

Single women most strongly identify with Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw, followed by Charlotte York and then Samantha Jones. Women were the least likely to say they identify with character Miranda Hobbes. 

55 percent of single women said Sex and the City influenced them to date more like men date. 

44 percent of single women wish they could be Carrie Bradshaw for one day.  35 percent wish they could be Samantha Jones for one day.  11percent wish they could be Miranda Hobbes for one day and 11 percent wish they could be Charlotte York for one day. 

86 percent of single women said they socialize with other women friends around sex, romance and dating issues, much like the Sex and the City characters did.  51 percent say they commonly do this. 

70 percent of single women say Sex and the City did not influence their shoe purchases.  14 percent say they purchased more shoes as a result of watching the HBO series, and 16 percent say they purchased more expensive or better quality shoes as a result. 

Some might say that it’s more likely that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda  will end up being each other’s “soulmates” in life than it is that any man will be their “soulmate.”  When women were asked about the role a “soulmate” will play in their own lives:

• 39 percent said they already had or would end up with one (or several) women friends as their “soulmate” in life instead of a man.

  When men were asked about their beliefs about Sex and the City (and allowed to select more than one answer):

• 29 percent enjoyed it
• 25 percent say they learned a thing or two about dating women by watching
• 24 percent said it didn’t reflect their lives, or the lives of women they dated
• 24 percent said it gave them an inside look at what women actually do when they get together—talk about men
• 19 percent said it made it a lot easier to get women to sleep with them
• 19 percent said it changed dating, as it gave women permission to play the field
• 17 percent said it made it a lot more challenged to find a single woman who was seeking a lasting, committed relationship

 

Valentine’s Week 2008

Welcome!
It’s Love Week once again. That means close to one billion printed Valentine’s cards will be exchanged. The chocolate industry will have its two biggest days of sales on February 13th and 14th. Consumers will spend an estimated $17 billion celebrating Valentine’s Day with sweet, endearing—and sometimes rather expensive—professions of their love.

What is the Engage State of the Date Report?
Each year during Valentine’s Week, Engage will issue this “State of the Date” report, which details what it’s really like to be single on Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year. This year’s report is the result of analysis of a thirty-seven question survey, administered to a random sample of more than six hundred single adults living in the United States in January 2008. This was not a sample of Engage members, although many singles in the sample group are users of either online dating services or social networks, or both.

In some instances, we’ve included a trend analysis, comparing this year’s data to data from identical questions asked in Engage surveys in prior years. Some results have been cross tabulated with other data points, so we can break out male vs. female responses, or behavioral trends based on age ranges. If you are looking for a data point that isn’t presented in this report, please contact us. We have more data than we’ve presented, and we’re happy to share it.

Because Engage is the Internet’s first social dating community, where friends help their single friends connect and find love, we asked a lot of questions about the roles that technology, online dating, friends and social networking play in our love lives. So: read on. Maybe 2008 will be your year to make a meaningful connection or Play Matchmaker^TM or simply enjoy watching love blossom. It’s all good!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

xoxo,

Trish McDermott

Vice President of Love, Engage

What it’s really like to be single in 2008

The Dating Scene
So: what’s it like out there? Possibly boring. Or a bit less fun than married folks may nostalgically remember. In fact, more than half of all singles may not have dated even once in the last six months.

Twenty-two percent of singles can’t remember the last time they went on a date. Another 22 percent went dateless in 2007.

Whether they’ve dated or not in the past year, “confusing,” might be the word that best sums up single life today. For all the “communicating” singles are now doing using the plethora of social media available to them, men and women still aren’t necessarily hearing each other. Most men still think they should pay for the first date, but most women don’t agree. On the other hand, women still expect gentlemanly courtesies such as having the door held open for them.

Fifty-four percent of women think a couple should either go Dutch on a first date, or that the person who initiated the date should pay.

Women are likely to still want a man to demonstrate that he is a gentleman on a date. Fewer men agree that this is a role they should take on a date.

More than half of all women surveyed felt a man should pick the venue for a first date and do the driving. Only 8% of women felt a man should bring a gift on a first date. Women were twice as likely as men to say a man should initiate the first kiss. While twenty-six percent of women felt men should “talk more” on a first date, seventeen percent of men thought men should actually “talk less” on a first date.

Given those mixed social messages, it may not be surprising that honesty also isn’t always the policy in dating today. More than one in four singles think it’s acceptable to tell “little white lies” when dating online. Unfortunately, we’re hearing from singles that the lack of social consequences for dishonesty on most first-generation dating sites has led to inauthentic profiles and some awkwardly awful first dates.

Men are more likely than women to believe “little white lies” have a place in online dating.

Many singles share with us that they are annoyed by the number of married people using social networks and online dating sites to cheat on their spouses.

More than a quarter of singles say a married person contacted them on an online dating service or social network for dating purposes.

Relationship status is not necessarily a barrier to romantic indiscretions. Some singles knowingly dated people last year that most of us would consider “off limits.”

Eleven percent of single men, and the same percentage of single women, admitted to dating someone who was married or in a committed relationship last year.

In spite of the confusion and uncertainty that is part of dating today, singles just keep on keeping on. After all, what other choice do they have? Read on to learn about how singles will continue to hold out hope that they will find love, commit to mastering the dating protocols of new technologies, personally better themselves, and ask for a little friendly intervention in their search for someone special in 2008.

Singles and their search for love in 2008
While almost three quarters of singles are interested in finding love and marriage in the next five years, fewer singles are seeking love and marriage this year than they were in 2006.

Most singles (68%) report they are interested in falling in love and getting married in the next five years. Younger singles (ages 18 – 39) were the most likely to say they were “Extremely interested,” while older singles, (age 50 and above) were the most likely to say they were “Not at all interested.”

Fewer singles report they are interested in love and marriage this year than they did in 2006.

Whether they want to fall in love or not, just under a third of singles report they are not optimistic that they will find the relationship they are seeking this year.

Thirty percent of singles are not optimistic they will find the relationship they are seeking this year. Overall, women surveyed were more optimistic than were men.

Pessimists and optimists share a pragmatic approach to finding someone special: Singles are more likely to think they will meet their future spouse through an introduction from a friend, co-worker, or family member, than through any other means. Men were more likely than women to say they believe they will meet their next partner on a social network or online dating service.

Typical “Other” responses included: Church, Not looking, No idea, Fate or chance encounter, Someone I’m dating now, While traveling, etc.

While some singles are tapping friends for an introduction that might lead to love, others may be finding ways to stay entertained and romantically connected during these long, cold winter months.

Almost one in three singles had a “friend with benefits” in 2007, and 33% reported “hooking up” with someone last year.

Mind Your Social Media Manners
Most singles encountered “good” or even “excellent” behavior while on dates last year.

Men and women both equally reported good behavior from their dates last year, with no significant change from 2006.

That said, some singles were likely to have been unhappy about gossiping taking place on social media, especially public disclosures of their failed romantic relationships.

While technology has created more, and some would say better, ways to make romantic connections, the protocols for using romantic technologies are still evolving.

While few singles think bad romantic news should first be delivered electronically….

More believe good romantic news can first be communicated this way.

Social media can also distract from romantic interactions. Six percent of singles complained that the men and women they dated last year were more into their own social networks than they were into the respondents.

Many dating-related behaviors occurring on social networking sites are perceived as unacceptable by some singles, with women surveyed tending to be more sensitive than men. Two behaviors that were most commonly seen as “crossing the line,” were writing negative material about an ex, and posting about romantic intentions so your network was aware of them before your date or partner.

When it comes to social media and your love life, what constitutes crossing the line?	Total*	What is your sex?
		male	female
	658	344	315

Respondents were able to select more than one answer for this question.

Some Things Change. Some Things Never Do.

The good news is that chivalry is still very much alive for most singles.

When it comes to their dating lives, women are more likely than men to report that chivalry is dead.

And while some singles have indicated dishonesty is acceptable when dating online, most singles are men and women who say what they do, and do what they say, especially when the say “I’ll call you.”

We were surprised to learn that 49% of women say they never pay for a date!

And that seventy-seven percent of singles felt gay and lesbian couples should have equal rights to marriage!

• Only 38% of singles said they flirted to help themselves meet someone last year.
  
• Only 4% of singles said they expect to meet their future spouse at a bar.
• 31 percent of singles surveyed said they exchange only one email with someone they meet on an online dating service or social network before agreeing to meet face-to-face.
  
• 25% of men, but only 10% of women, say they become sexual with someone after only one or two dates.
  

Conclusions

In many ways, and with a big nod to social technologies, 2008 is a great time to be single. As more and more singles migrate their off-line dating practices to online communities like Engage, they are expecting sites to be more social and to offer experiences that are not only more natural and authentic than first-generation dating sites have typically offered, but also a lot more fun.

While single men and women may never entirely “get” each other, social media, when used with some responsibility and discretion, is helping both genders communicate, listen, learn, and explore what it really means to share ideas and life experiences with someone you may also one day come to love. Of course, you may also one day come to stop loving someone, and not all of us have finessed how to communicate to members of our social network what we’re genuinely feeling about an ex, without violating our ex’s right to privacy, not to mention sanity. Like everyone else, singles are a work in progress.

While it’s fair to say that some singles will try to lie, cheat, and possibly even steal their ways into our hearts, most singles will tell the truth in an online dating profile, call us when they say they will, and show up for a date. Todays singles are good people, hoping to find love, marriage, and their own little piece of happily-ever-after in the next five years. If you’re one of them, you are in some very nice — not to mention highly qualified — company.

We hope to see all 92 million of you on Engage this year. Make connections. Play Matchmaker^tm. It’s all good.

See you online!

 

Participating in life makes you a lot sexier than sitting on the sidelines. I’m attracted to people who are empowered and believe in their own ability to influence change and make things happen. Aren’t you? Did you know you’re four times more likely to attract a potential romantic partner simply by registering to vote? This is based on today’s running tally of Engage’s “Love, Romance, and Politics” survey.

We’ll keep the survey open and see what happens, so please take a few minutes to weigh in with your own thoughts. With a little over 600 responses so far, here are some early survey findings:

Sexiest Candidate: Single Democrats see Hillary Rodham Clinton as the sexiest candidate, followed by John Edwards. Single Republicans give Mitt Romney the Mr. Sexy title, followed by Clinton (more men than women have taken the survey so far, which may explain this Republican defection to Clinton…or maybe her recent tears made her more vulnerable and appealing, and Republican men just can’t help themselves). Single Independents chose Clinton as sexiest, followed by Edwards, and Single Libertarians and Greens both find Clinton the sexiest, with Obama running second.

Party Attraction Factor: Single Democrats are most attracted to a sexy and honest potential romantic partner, while Single Republicans are most attracted to a single person who is honest and smart. Will these dating selection biases influence their presidential choices? Single Libertarians like their romantic partners smart and good looking, and Single Greens prefer honest and sexy partners.

Single Republicans are more likely than single Democrats to say they would cross party lines to date. Of course, as James Carville once told me during the 2004 campaign when I announced a survey with similar results, maybe this is because single Democrats don’t like the dating prospects on the Republican side. Leaving political affiliation aside, men think Clinton will be the best kisser of the candidates, while women, ever hopeful, seem to prefer Obama for a snog.

While most of the survey is just for fun, and I’ll share more with you soon, we’re serious about getting out the single vote.

 

Only 43% of single men voted in 2004, while 52% of single women did so, according to Margie Omero. Both groups were out-voted by their married counterparts. Single women, who traditionally vote Democratic, have been annoyingly dubbed the “Single Anxious Woman” voting block, so pundits and pollsters can speak about the influence, apparently perceived to be significant, they may wield in the upcoming presidential election. If they vote, that is.

 

“Want a sure-fire way to keep women away from the polls? How about calling large groups of them ’single and anxious?’” writes Huffington Post blogger Morra Aarons-Mele.

According to the Engage survey, if the presidential election was held today:

40% of single Democrats would vote for Clinton, 25% for Obama, and 18% for John Edwards. With single Republicans, Huckabee, Guliani, and McCain are in a three-way tie for first place, each getting just over 19% of the vote.

However you plan to vote, your single voice must be heard. It’s good for your love life, and it’s good for our American way of life. Here are three ways you can easily get Engaged in the presidential election:

1. Register to vote. Check out Project Vote Smart to learn how voter registration works in your state.

2. Take Engage’s “Love, Politics, and Romance” survey:

3. Volunteer to work for the sexy, or not so sexy, candidate of your choice:

Hillary Rodham Clinton

John Edwards

Rudy Giuliani

Mike Huckabee

Dennis Kucinich

John McCain

Barack Obama

Ron Paul

Mitt Romney

Fred Thompson

Peace, love, and good politics.

Trish McDermott

VP of Love, Engage.com