“Oh Canada!” Our very own VP of Love, Trish McDermott popped up on Calgary Today with Mike Blanchard. Download the show from SendSpace and listen to Trish’s expert opinion on the state of online dating and relationships. Pretty savvy, eh?

They’re talking about arranged marriages and matchmaking over at the Huffington Post right now.  Wondering if everything old is new again.  If we’ve truly gone full cycle, does that mean we’ll see a revival of arranged marriages in our romantic futures?  Probably not.

Arranged marriages are a parental pastime in some cultures and often were a financial and familial necessity, especially when women had little or no earning power or financial holdings, not to mention choice.  Women today are ready, willing and we would like to thing reasonably able to make good dating choices without mom’s help.

Engage surveyed more than 800 single adults back in 2005 to learn more about the role matchmaking (and romantic meddling) played in their dating lives.  Singles mentioned friends, and then mothers, as the two people most likely to want to meddle in their love lives.  They resoundingly felt that friends make the best matchmakers and that mothers make the worst.  Moms have relationship and marriage agendas that often aren’t aligned with what their children are actually seeking.  That’s why every women in America over age 35 isn’t married to a doctor.

Internet “scientists,” convinced arranging marriages may in fact be a scalable enterprise, are peddling their magic compatibility elixirs to singles on leading dating sites today.  Singles are matched based on analysis of a personality questionnaire, but ultimately someone decides:  Can opposites attract?  Do they introduce you to the type of person you are seeking, or the type of person they believe is right for you?  What would your mother do? 

Look at happy couples you know.  How many had to pass a 200-question test to qualify to say “hello” to each other?  What you’re likely to find is what we found in our research–half of all marriages are the result of someone first introducing the couple, but that someone was almost never a scientist, compatibility expert or marriage arranger.

Your friends know sides of you your mother never sees and that no “compatibility expert” can cull from a questionnaire.  At Engage, you won’t find us behind the scenes arranging your love life.  We never presume to know who is right for you.  We simply trust that you, your friends and your community will have a lot of fun socializing on the site as you figure it all out.

Here’s hoping your friends find you a find and catch you a catch.

Trish McDermott

VP of Love, Engage

Whether you’re here to Play Matchmaker™ for single friends or to connect to new people for yourself, we ask all of our members to create a profile. Here are nine ways to make your profile stand out from the crowd!

1. Make a good first impression. Your profile is a way of introducing yourself to people. What do you want them to take away? Humor, humility, and optimism are always in style. Most people want to spend time with someone who’s upbeat and fun to be around.
2. Grab their attention with a creative headline or an interesting story. What makes you different from everyone else? What pursuits make you happy? If someone dated you, how would you want to spend time with them? Or if you fixed up friends how would you help them decide who to date?
3. Don’t complain. Mama always said, if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all. And she’s probably right when it comes to exes. If you really feel compelled to share, your best bet is to briefly mention the bad breakup and then talk about how you’ve moved forward and turned lemons into lemonade. Or explain how your experience made you even better at Playing Matchmaker™, because now you’ve loved and learned.
4. Do be honest. One of the biggest complaints single people have about traditional online dating is that some of the profiles are kind of shady and inauthentic. With social dating everyone’s friends are on hand to keep them more honest about their age, looks, and dating history. So we can all be real here, right? Celebrate who you are!
5. Focus, people. Focus. You don’t have to throw in the kitchen sink (and the microwave and the toaster). Just mention the three or four most important qualities you bring to the party. Think about giving people enough information to discover that they have some things in common with you. Or that you sound like a great match for their cousin or coworker or neighbor. Then you can learn more about each other over time.
6. Check your spelling and get a trusted friend to edit what you’ve written. If you’re stumped about what to write, ask a friend how they would describe you to a stranger. You might be surprised at their insights about you!
7. Do take time to post a quality picture. What does that mean? Include one good head shot that’s in focus, with nice lighting. Then add extra pictures that show all the sides of your personality- on a camping trip, on the dance floor, running a half-marathon, walking your Welsh Corgi, knitting an iPod cover, hanging streamers for a charity fundraiser… Show yourself off!
8. Don’t take the picture yourself. Here’s another place where friends come in handy. You know that weird camera angle you get when you hold your arm out and shoot your own portrait? Yeah. We do too! Whether you’re here to Play matchmaker or to connect to new people yourself, it will improve your credibility to look decent in your picture.
9. Let your honesty extend to your photo. It may be tempting, but don’t post a six-year-old picture of you playing drinking games in college — no matter how sassy you look! Your friends love you for who you are now - and new people will too!

Hugs and kisses,
Engage

You use Engage. You use Facebook. You’ve got friends on both. Now you can share Engage profiles on your Facebook profile, so you can Play Matchmaker^TM even when you’re away from Engage. It’s like those old Reese’s peanut butter cup ads: “You got your Engage in my Facebook!” Delicious!

Here’s how to do it:

1. Sign in to Engage.
2. Pick a friend on Engage that you want to fix up or connect with your Facebook friends.
3. On the friend’s Engage profile, in the “More” drop-down list, select “Share to Facebook.”
4. You’ll be taken to Facebook’s sign in page and asked to write a comment about the picture.
5. Repeat until all your single friends have met someone fun and new!

What’s The Point?
To get your social network to make new connections and fix up even more of your single friends. That’s what social dating is all about!

Hugs and kisses,
Engage

It’s that time of year where you can’t go anywhere without hearing the V word. (No, not “vajayjay,” silly… though we’re hearing that everywhere too.) We meant Valentine’s. For some, that word cues a symphony. For others, it cues the screeching violins from “Psycho”.

Don’t get us wrong, we love little candy hearts as much as the next gal or guy! But sometimes it feels like we all have to participate in Valentine’s Day’s chocoholic excesses. Whether you’re between relationships, dating someone new, or with a longtime companion, all the hearts and arrows and romantic formulas can get a little stale, right? Romance is so much more, well… romantic when it’s not calendared in.

Why not take a more social approach to V-Day? Here’s one recipe for a St. V’s without the Hallmark holiday hangover:

• Host a party where you and your friends can get gorgeous and mingle – without paying for a prix fixe menu or being sardined into banquette seating with three gazillion other couples.
• Invite everyone you know – involved or not.
• Ask everyone to make up a signature cocktail and bring the ingredients to your place.
• Tell your involved friends to bring a single friend or two along with them.
• While you’re mixing cocktails, see how your single friends blend!

Will love be served up, shaken not stirred? You’ll have to wait and see. At least you and your best friends can have a gala evening together, whether or not Cupid decides to strike. And If you’re between sweeties, your best friends are the best people to be with!

Gee… someone should throw a fun party like that online. Oh wait, we did.

Hugs and kisses,

Engage

p.s. Be sure to tell us about your party. Post a comment to this blog entry and let us know how your soirée turns out!

I caught Carson Kressley on the first episode of Lifetime TV’s “How to Look Good Naked” last week, a day after I spent $385 at Nordstrom’s buying lingerie that will never leave my panty drawer, unless we have another power outage. Like most women, I have my lingerie issues. Unlike most women, lingerie was actually underneath my career success.

Most of what I eventually learned about dating and romance was first inspired during my time running the returns department for the Victoria Secret catalog, in the days before it was acquired by The Limited. Women commonly returned lingerie with personal notes to “Victoria,” confiding intimate, and sometimes demoralizing details of their faltering marriages and the role they had hoped a baby doll, or cami set, might have played in bringing back their man.

“Victoria” was actually me, Trish McDermott, an early-twenties student and political activist who took the Victoria’s Secret job because her boss promised her time off to get arrested at political demonstrations, thereby somehow bettering, or possibly even saving, the world. I had a plan for saving the world, but was clueless about saving a marriage, especially one that was impervious to something soft and silky. Not all lingerie returns had happy endings.

I learned one very important lesson at the panty factory: It’s your choice of partner, and not your choice of panty, that ultimately makes your marriage work.

Carson Kressley was on again last night, with another less-than-perfect-in-panties woman in need of his “perception revolution,” which includes projecting a four-story-tall image of her, clad only in a bra and underwear, on a building somewhere in downtown Santa Monica. I’m an ardent supporter of any revolution that takes place in our underwear, partly because as a peace activist, I’m reassured by the fact that it’s hard to carry concealed weapons in our panty bands.

Of course, not everyone wants to participate in Carson’s revolution. The National Action Against Obesity chose to keep all of us less- than-perfect women in our perceived place with a press release attacking “How to Look Good Naked” (Credit and thanks to Chubby Mommy, where I first found this release discussed). The release included this comment:

“When we observe obesity, we’re seeing the effects of self-abuse. To end self-loathing, one must stop self-induced abuse. It’s a change in behavior, not a change in word choice — like calling the evidence of abuse beautiful. It’s no more logical to compliment the aesthetics of obesity than the beauty of cigarette-stained teeth or track marks on a junkie’s arm,” said NAAO President MeMe Roth.

What riles them up is that “How to Look Good Naked” isn’t telling women to lose fifty pounds and get a personal trainer before they get naked, given what they call the “dangerous denial of compromised health due to obesity”. Instead, Carson wants women to shed all of our layers—clothing, of course, but also shame, guilt and the constant comparison we make between our bodies and those of fashion models, or women twenty years younger than ourselves—to see that we are each beautiful in many ways, and certainly deserving of love and happiness, even with cottage cheese thighs.

Sometimes single people see themselves as a sum of their flaws. Perhaps they are overweight, or bald, or underemployed, or too tall, or too short, or too much of, or not enough of something they think they must be in order to be loved. It isn’t true. What is true is what I heard Carson say to this week’s guest: “There’s so much good here that we can work with.”

Here’s to seeing you all naked – at least metaphorically.
Me? I’m off to purchase a light dimmer.

Trish